Forgiveness

Birds soaring through a bright sky.

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I forgive you for getting away with it. 
I forgive you for never having to pay. 
I forgive you for never changing.
I forgive you for taking my children.
I forgive you for the years I will never get back. 
I forgive you for not letting me say goodbye to the dog.
I forgive you for all the money that disappeared.
I forgive you for the things you did to my body.
I forgive you for the fact that now I know how that feels.

But I also forgive me. 

I forgive me for staying.
I forgive me for not knowing what to do.
I forgive me for being confused.
I forgive me for not being enough for you.
I forgive me for not being tough enough.

I forgive me for telling the truth.
I forgive me for expecting people to believe me.
I forgive me for not having the right evidence.
I forgive me for not knowing how to tell the story right.

I forgive me for never writing the book. 
I forgive me for not being able to translate this for other people. 

I forgive me for giving up.
I forgive me for running.

I’m only a human being. 
I’m not a saint. 
I’m not the mother you didn't have 
And for whom your soul seems to roar endlessly.

I was deeply in love with the world
And now I practice not flinching at being loved back.

I forgive myself for that, too.

If I can't do that, you really win.